Bitch-O-Scope Horoscopes - October 2008

Libra October 2008 You are going to have trouble making up your mind the first half of this month, but what's new? Bouncing back and forth from one home to another, one partner to another, one job to another is so typical for you anyhow. But, its not your fault. Your the victim simply reacting to your environment... Right? There is a good chance your landlord will evict you, your partner will breakup with you, and your boss will fire you on October 6th. But, you will get a new job offer to work on a cruise ship in the northern Atlantic on October 10th, and, you probably won't sober-up until Columbus Day. Your travels will begin on October 18th, but the ship will sink on October 26th. Happy Birthday!

Scorpio October 2008 You are going to be feeling so horney as October begins, and you will renew your annual membership to the adult bookstore on October 2nd. Things could get very hopeful on October 6th, as you watch your little sister, Libra, get the crap kicked out of her, because you called her landlord, partner, and boss and told them the "truth." You will invest a large amount of your savings in poison on October 10th, but you will find out on October 11th that you actually purchased Xanax instead of poison, giving little sis one more reason to get high. On October 27th, you will finally get it right. Instead of investing in more poison, you will acquire some high tech explosives. Have Fun!

Sagittarius October 2008 You are going to begin this month absolutely exhausted from all the work you did last month. There is a good chance you will either get fired or get sick (or both) on October 6th. You will be flat on your back paying for lots of drugs (either antibiotics or antidepressants) until October 18th and there won't be anything but crap on the TV the whole time. Once you finally get back to work, you'll get fired again on October 26th, but you won't care because you will have a new boyfriend (girlfriend) by then. The sex will be grand this month, but forget about making money. It ain't gonna happen!

Capricorn October 2008 You will be firing a Sagittarius subordinate early this month, and you will be enjoying every minute of it. You will come into some extra money on October 5th, but the boss will be pressing charges on October 6th. Luckily, you will retain an attorney and post bail on October 7th. You will begin planning a new embezzlement technique with the new company on October 19th, but it won't manifest until next month. Patience is your virtue. Your partner will get fed up with the verbal abuse on October 26th and leave you, but you will find a new Scorpio "uck-buddy" on October 27th. Watch out for poison in your food. She may get it right this time.

Aquarius October 2008 Everybody else is going to be finding love, and parties, and fortune early this month, but you will be sitting on the sidelines bitching again. You will do your atonement this Yom Kippur, and to your surprise, it will actually work. On October 10th, money, love, and drugs will rain down upon you. As you begin the first day of your celebration of Sukkot, the angels send even more blessings (like you really deserve it). You are going to continue to steal and rob from everyone who comes near you, and the big windfall comes in the last week of the month. So, keep it up. The FBI has a file open and a case building on you.

Pisces October 2008 Your friends will get busted on October 6th, but you will spend the weekend drunk, not show up for the job... and manage to stay out of jail this time. Congratulations! A hot and sexy Scorpio will make you an offer you can't refuse on October 10th, and by October 12th you should find yourself totally stripped of all your cash, valuables, and clothes. Daddy will show up on the Full Moon, slip you a ten, and buy you some new jeans, but Mom will cancel that credit card you steal out of his billfold right away. She's such a bitch! Believe it or not, someone will offer you a job on October 30th. Don't work too hard!

Aries October 2008 Business will be booming as the month begins. All those Scorpios will be in your shop making major purchases. Don't you know you are not supposed to date your customers? All that cheating is going to catch up with you on October 4th, and nobody will come to visit you in the hospital until the Full Moon, October 14th, when Mom brings the Priest. You will reopen shop on October 27th, and all those damned fool Scorpios come right back for more. And this time they are buying YOUR video! Who said you couldn't act?

Taurus October 2008 That Scorpio in the office is going to get all the attention this month and the pay raise, and you will be snorting and pouting. If she thinks she is the only one who can get a little poison, she will be in for a big surprise when you spike her drink with horse laxative at the office party on October 11th. Watch out, because on October 16th, she will demonstrate exactly what a Scorpio's revenge means. You will be transferred to a special burn ward in your capital city on October 18th, and you will be visited by the Ghost of Taurus' Past on Halloween night. Sweet dreams!

Gemini October 2008 You will be running in circles this month, jumping from bed to bed, job to job... and when are you ever going to take a bath? You might even find a girlfriend (boyfriend) if you smelled a little better. If you don't take that bath, you will spontaneously combust on October 6th. Its up to you. If you do take the bath, Mom will invite you over for dinner on October 9th, and you will actually get to eat food that is less than 2 days old. On October 18th you will finally find someone who may even want to kiss you later, but Mom shows up and kicks them out. You may as well give up. You are always going to be a virgin. You are going to get all panicked on October 26th and flee the state, but you will meet an ambitious Aquarius who is willing to hire you. Surprise, surprise!

Cancer October 2008 This will be one more October you get to march through with your blinders on. My gosh! Who would want to associate with people like that? Its best just to go to work, go home, and don't talk to anyone. You know if you try, they are just going to lie to you, and you will suck up those lies like a fly on honey. So, you are either going to spend this month sitting at home totally bored out of your mind, or you are going to be stupid, stupid, stupid! The trick-or-treaters will be coming to your house early. Watch out for raw eggs and flaming bags of you know what on October 20th.

Leo October 2008 You are going to get you ass whipped on October 6th, and your newest plaything's spouse is going to do it. You know, it would have helped if you had stopped peeking at them through the side window. And then... turning the flash on, on the camera... What did you think would happen? Mom will come up with the money for an excellent plastic surgeon on October 14th. Don't worry, you will have that beautiful face back more quickly than you know... Like maybe by your birthday? As the rest of the world spends the remaining days of this month planning for Halloween and the elections, you will be hiding in the closet. And, you said there was nothing but clothes in your closet!

Virgo October 2008 Unlike your cousin, Gemini, you won't be running in circles the first half of this month. You just won't have anything nice to say to anyone. And you know what that means... people hanging up on you, blocking you calls, and nobody's going to read your blog or answer your email. Ha ha ha ha ha! On October 6th you will put in a desperate call to Dad, but even he won't answer your messages. If you can make it past the Full Moon, you may actually be able to avoid that suicide attempt this month, but that's only if you didn't get homicidal with Dad and his office buddies the week earlier. A Sagittarius will talk you out of your panties (jockeys) on October 25th, but you will get even on October 30th. Happy Halloween!

About the Author

Bitching Blaze is a fictional character and resident Astrologer at PsychicBitch.com where you get absolutely free psychic readings and the absolute truth. http://www.psychicbitch.com (This article can be reprinted freely online, as long as the entire article and this bio are included.)